This post is probably going to be maudlin and self-indulgent, but I’m writing it anyway. Sorry, dear reader.
One of my principles of leadership is that a good leader has to be able to stay above the fray. 95% of the time the answer is to take the high road. Put aside your ego, and try and be very considerate of the other person and what they want. You can’t expect people to share that same attitude all the time, but as a guild leader you’re supposed to be the grown up. It’s my hope that by being the “grown up” I earn the respect of my guild.
Sometimes, though, being the grown up is hard work.
Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of benefits to being a guild leader that I enjoy — it’s not all a thankless task. I get to pick the people I play with and a loot system that I like. I get a say over policy. I get to pick what nights we raid and if I wanna go, I get to go. A lot of these things also have popular support, but I have the benefit of the final decision. I also possess the gkick button, although I try to not use it. There are many rewards for being a guild leader, and despite my whining in this post I am grateful for all of them.
This last week has been rife with drama llamas, and taking the high road is getting more and more difficult. Yes, I would love to discuss at length the ways you think I am mis-managing the guild. And I love getting text message in the middle of dinner on my ‘night off’ with drama updates. You would like to sit out on this raid because you are pouting about some policy? Wonderful! I’ll just find a fill-in now and you can come back next week when you’re ready. Want to talk about reasons why you deserved the Fragment of Val’anyr and I didn’t? Awesome, let me just finish leading this raid and then I think I have some free time.
Actually, I’m exaggerating about the latter. (In truth I am probably exaggerating most of those, although it reflects how I feel sometimes.) Instead of letting the Val’anyr conversation slip by I told the person in question to do something very rude, and then I logged off and cried. I guess you can’t always stick to the high road.
Everyone has an ego, and honestly I admire big confident bombastic people and I tend to fill my guild with them. But I think part of being a good guild leader is having no ego, which means occasionally when there’s a full moon and drama is in the air I just get lower and lower and lower and feel like I can’t say anything. I fight the urge to rear up and shout, “You know what? Because I’m the guild leader, that’s why.”
Usually my guildies are 100% awesome, but when the drama gets going I enjoy imagining that scenario in my head. Unfortunately, it’s really no way to run a functioning, mature guild. So, instead I take a deep breath, smile, and say that I would love to hear about ways that I could improve my raid leading.
** Since this is a hot topic on some guild leader forums: We had an anonymous officer vote to pick the Valanyr recipients. All officers voted their priority list for first, second, and third, and no officer could vote for themselves.
Sometimes, "Because I'm the GL, that's why!" is the answer, the right answer, the only answer. At some point, the buck stops with you, and when it does…so be it.
I know it's hard, but it's necessary sometimes. I know we all try to be "nice" and "touchy-feely" but at some point, it turns into us being taken advantage of, and if that starts, it doesn't stop. So when you've run out of other options, "Because I say so" is the right option.
Hang in there.
^^ This. Sometimes you just need to say these things. Personally, I have a person I trust and I usually ask them. They 99% of the time back me up and say that I am totally justified to do that on occasion. Abuse of "cos I say so" is an issue.
And I had to ML a fragment to myself after the raid told me I had to. I felt awful!
I have to agree with the above two. What you've described above is exactly why I ended walking away from the Guild I lead. I couldn't take the drama, or the pressure I felt every time I logged on. There are numerous other reason I left, but those are the main. It has helped me now appreciate my current Guild Leader so much more. Having that wonderful title isn't all fun and games, and there are many times that you just want to run away screaming!
Having that sounding board, whether it's another Officer or a loved one, is a must have. You need someone you can vent to and trust 100% of the time. Someone that can tell you you're just being silly or no you should really be upset.
I hope things get better, stick in there, from everything I've read you're a great Guild Leader and your guild would be silly to do anything to lose you!
Thank you for the very nice replies. It was quite cathartic to post here, and I appreciate the response.
I am going to work on my "becase I say so!" at the appropriate moments.
I lead my guild the tough way, it's quite simply my way or the highway. It's had a few bumps in the road, but I love my guildies like my own sons, and for that they would go to hell and back with me.
People have needs, and then they have things they've made up. Everyone has the need to be needed, to be heard and to be respected. That's the holy trinity – no one has the need to whine for no reasons, to disrespect the guildleader, to spread negative atmosphere in the guild. Those things are just mind spins people get in until you set them straight. Things have to work, the cogs have to spin the same way for the machinery to be rolling, sometimes you got to shout, sometimes you got to tell them "because I say so" it might be a little rough, but that touchy feely shit has never gotten anyone anywhere.